You will never understand the pain
by RitsuAoi
Summary: Bakura is diagnosed with Schitzophrenia, he struggles between what is real and what is not. Ryou escaped the abusive Bakura and started a new life...what will happen when they meet again? At a night club...Yaoi and Angst
1. Schitzophrenia

_**You will never understand the pain**_

_Chapter one: __Schizophrenia_

**Just in case I'm confusing you all...Bakura has a mental illness called Schizofrenia. If you don't know what it is, then I suggest you to google it. **

**Pairings will vary a lot...But the main characters are RyouBakura. Enjoy and review if you got more questions, I'll be glad to respond to all of them. **

**:-:**

The blood dripped down from my mouth and my hand automatically found those red finger marks at my chin. He laughed. Bakura, the evil Bakura laughed.

"What is it? I thought I could have my way with you, Ryou. I mean...you're the one who said that _'"Kura can do anything to me!"_ with a big grin, right?" His beautiful lips made a evil grin, and I just wanted to ripe my heart apart from the pain he was giving me. My chocolate brown eyes were once again filled with salty water, **tears**. I cried again, _I am so weak…_

But hell, _he_ always had the power to make me cry.

My thoughts were interupted when he suddenly dragged on one of my albino hair strands and whispered in my ear with a sadistic smile I couldn't see but feel against my skin:

"Never, _ever_ touch me with your filthy fingers again…or I'll make sure that your ugly face gets more frightful." Then he left me there…alone, and broken hearted.

The sickness he had, my only beloved Bakura, was a type of Schizophrenia. One part of him loved me, and the other part hated me to death. It wasn't enough though...sometimes, he sees illusions. And start to break furnitures, and me..

Yes, It was quite hard for him… But it was harder for me to live like this, one second, he loved me and smiled for me…and then the other second, he just wanted to kill me.

I have tried to run away from him, leave Bakura, and start a new life… But I just couldn't, because the 'Kura I love is still inside there somewhere...and sometimes he will even appear. These few days, or even hours, make me so happy. Because it's the only time that he will show me his love.

But as soon as I begin to trust him again, the other one will show up and filled my heart with sharp blades that makes me cry again and again. The worst part is...he won't even remember that he was the one who hurt me when his old self appears.

**I was so tired of this.**

I took the shaving-knife from his table in my desperation to end this and hold it against my bare neck… Closed my eyes and…

_No! I couldn't! ... …_ I just didn't have the guts_._

I throw away that slimy metal thing and cried out in despair…I'm so weak. _Why am I so weak??_

The door opened and he came in…

"Ryou? What the fuck is going on here…!?"

It is him! It is my 'Kura… I could see it from his voice, it was more soft than the other one. I quickly embranced him and digged my head deaper into his chest. Sobbing like the child I still was.

" Hey, slow down my snow flake…" He smiled and patted my head softly.

" _sob _…I'm sorry" I gently rubbed my eyes and watched him. He gave me that gentle, but still a bit bad smile I haven't seen in a while and I couldn't believe how happy I was for that tiny smile...

"Don't be. It was a nice surprise." He touched my nosetip and kissed my cheek softly. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the short moment of love. After a while, 'Kura pulled me off.

"Now, Ryou…tell me, did _I_ do this to you?" He asked, eyes filled with guiltiness.

I shook my head and replied:

"No, it was…Yami….we were playing in the school and he accidentally punched me." I smiled as good as I could.

"That son of a…" I stopped him with a kiss, didn't want the moment to be ruined.

We made dinner together (well, _I _made dinner…'Kura just ruined half of it I made…) and saw a movie.

Suddenly,' Kura shut the television off.

"Ryou…I wanna fuck. Now. " Bakura muttered the words with everything except patience. My eyes went huge and he breathed heavily in my ears while trying to take off my clothes.

"Wha…!!" I didn't had the time to protest when he suddenly carried me in bridal-style and kissed me softly.

"Let's go. Upstairs, to our bedroom. I'm too horny to stop now, Ry. "

I blushed and hold on to his shirt…Sometimes, 'Kura can be a real bastard (and don't forget...a horny one).

He pushed me to the bed as soon as we reached our goal and stripped me impatiently.

"Kura!! Wait, I…!" He touched my cock and find it quite funny, his fingers played with it like a toy and I moaned in pleasure. Then he starts to give me a hand job by stroking it faster and faster… Oh my god, my mouth widened and…

"Kura! Why did you stop?!" I was almost pissed when he stopped stroking.

"You haven't say the words yet, Ryou… I can't let you come." He pretended to be innocent and pout his lips.

Bastard. I bit my lips and said:

"…pl-please fuck me...Bakura-sama." I blushed extremely and closed my eyes.

"…Alright then...If you beg me.." Bakura smiled and stripped his pants off while stroking my cock again. I moaned like a whore and was in heaven.

"I-I beg you!" I shouted and wiggled unpatiently.

"Turn around." He smirked and I obeyed his order.

I was now on all fours, and I felt his hand around my hips.

" I want it hard and dry this time." He said before I had the time to actually analize what he just said.

_What the….!!_ My mind screamed when Bakura pound his giant penis inside me, without any prepare. I moaned out in pain and sudden pleasure when he hit the point.

He fucked me hard and dry just like he said and pounded faster and faster until we both came… Screaming each others name.

:-:

**It's not the end so don't hate me. I'll try to update soon. Sorry for this terrible language. I know I suck. Review please! **


	2. I will leave you now

_**You will never understand the pain** _

_Chapter two: I will leave you now._

**Hi sorry for the very very late update, but I was busy with my other fics. Well, hope you enjoy this! Ryou POV of course. Like my dear sensei said, it's the dark-Ryou's time….hohohohoho. Have fun! For you who is very confused right now while reading the first lines...I'll explain why Ryou are on the streets in the coming chapters, okay? Enjoy!**

**:-:**

I walked across the empty streets and I felt the first sunshine shining upon my dirty and wet back. I was tired, thirsty and exhausted because of my head. But the worst pain of all…

The pain of losing someone you've loved your whole life. _I left 'Kura._ Tears dropped down to the filthy ground and I rested my back against the wall and kept sobbing.

_How could I_ ? I left him…ugh…_I'm pathetic_…. I found a piece of glass under my right palm and suddenly the pain hit me. And my mind went back to the times when he've caused them.

That's right…Why should I care for that bastard who hitted me all the time?! All my hate for him slowly broke down my love. When I sat there alone in the dark.

Yes, you heard me. I **Hate **Him. I hate Bakura. My thoughts were interupted suddenly when...

"Hey there beautiful. How much do you take?" A dark voice reached my ears. My eyes met with the stranger's. He had beautiful, violet eyes. He was tall and blond, very attractive.

" I'm not a damn hooker." I pouted my lips before flirting obviously. " But for you handsome, I'll do it for free…"

I've never dared to even look at another man before when Bakura was by my side. I was almost shocked overmy own words.

The stranger smirked slightly before dragging me up with one of his strong and brown arms.

"I'm Marik. Are you a new guy?" He asked while exploring my body with his eyes. I blushed and nodded:

"Yeah.. I guess you could say so.. I'm Ry-…Ryuzaki." I've almost forgotted that I could tell anyone my real name now, because I knew that 'Kura would look after me.

"Fine _Ryuzaki_…What can I help you with?" Marik smiled almost scary and I replied:

"Well…I need a place to stay in…and a job."

Marik touched his chin while thinking. Then he smiled once again, and his arm was leading me inside to this…Seven Elevem Club? Oh...Oh...It's a night club...not any kind of night club. It's a _strip joint!_

I think he noticed that I was nervous. Because he squeezed my shoulder gently before saying:

"Relax kitten."

And then, an exact copy of Marik stepped into the entrance. But he was shorter and his hair wasn't so…so… much of a 'bed head'.

He sighed heavily when he saw Marik and me.

"Brother…What the hell have you been picking up now?"

**Hey!**

"I'm _not_ a thing he 'picked' up!! I have a name stupid!" I was upset by the way he treated me.

The other guy suddenly finds a interest in me and once again my eyes met with a pair of lilac ones.

"Oh…I apologize dear. I'm Malik…I guess I'm what you can call a…pimp" Malik smiled.

My jaw just fell off I think…Was he serious? I turned my head against Marik's and he just smirked.

They-They're gonna…make me a **Whore??**

I let out a scream before fainting in Marik's arms. And I could barely hear them chuckle in chore:

"This is gonna be fun…"

:-:

**Review!**


	3. Fucking instead of crying

**_You will never understand the pain_**

**Chapter three**: _Fucking instead of crying_

**Enjoy the new chappy! Warning! Yaoi! Incest!**

When I woke up I felt a sudden cold breeze blowing on my stomache, The two twin brother's, Marik and Malik, was touching my naked body…Naked?! Why am I naked?

"Wha-What are you doing?! " I said while blushing. They chuckled while giving each other a sexy look.

"Well, you need a place to stay in and a job right?"

I nodded, confused about the whole situation. They seemed to like the anwser.

"We're offering you a job. And you can stay here until you find a own place." Both smirked again.

"You're offering me A JOB AS A STRIPPER! No way!"I hide my face while blushing.

"Actually...a whore." Malik coughed.

"NO WAYYYY!" I whined loudly.

"Well…then you'll have to get out. And maybe die on the streets…never get to be rich, never get a boyfriend, or girlfriend…" Malik was naming all the stuffs that could possibly happen. When he said the word 'boyfriend', I imidiatly reacted.

After a long moment of silence I opened my mouth:

"Fine. I'll do it."

And a sudden wide grin was replaced by the brother's lips.

"What? I accepted your offer, now give me back my clothes!" I tried to hide my naked body and those parts I wouldn't let anyone see.

"Hey, we're gonna test you first, and see if you're good at this." Marik said while licking his lips. By the main time Malik started to strip his brother. Naked bronzing muscular bodies…make that twice. I yelped while one of them started to blow job-ing the other. My own member started to react to that sexy scene. Malik, on his knees, slowly taking his brother's dick in his mouth. And the pleasured other, moaning quietly while bobbing his twin's head up and down.

When Marik was hard enough Malik pulled himself away from his brother's huge dick.

Marik came closer to me and started to suck on my nipples. I couldn't help but moaning loudly…after my ears, the nipples was my weakest points.

"At-At least he's moaning like a whore…" Malik said while jerking himself off.

Marik's hot tongue made amazing things to my body and suddenly his huge palm started to stroke my inner thighs. My moans started to get faster and suddenly a finger slipped into me.

"Quit that…I don't need preparation." I pulled out his finger and then I replaced his tip at my entrance and Marik shove it in quickly. I groaned loudly because it really hurted a lot. He let me to adjust my self a couple of second's before he slammed it in-and out of my ass. When he hit my sweetspot I started to moan again.

"Hey, Marik, I wanna have som fun too!" Malik grabbed my hips while thrusting in his member inside me at the same time his brother pulled his out.

The pleasure was unbelieveable…These two really can fuck. My last thought of quitting this disapeared with a long sudden moan from sippering from my mouth when pure white semen dripped down from two muscular, flat stomaches.

"Welcome to Seven Eleven, baby." They licked away the semen for each other after pulling themselfes out of my ass.

And the they chuckled in chores again.

**Two months later**

"_Ahhn_…Yes! Harder! Mnnn…" A little strand of saliva dripped down on the older man's chest but he didn't notice, he just thrusted himself further in, inside of me.

I t was two month ago I started to work here, and I was getting more and more popular in the 'rich-and-handsome' men-inner circle. All my guests were older than twenty-five and owned at least ten cars. They were rich, bored of their wifes, so they started to visit me everyday. One of them even got me a car!

I became good friend with Marik and Malik, but I could somtimed sense a sudden attarction from Malik towards me lately. It was scaring me, because I still couldn't forget about Bakura.

He always said that I was a pussy each time I cried, so I decided that the least thing I could do for him now was that not showing anyone else my tears. I saved them to him, my first, and only love.

"Good bye Ry, see you soon you sexy little ass." My customer, Mr. Kaiba leaved me with a lustful glare before turning his back and walk away.

I shouted to Malik:

"Bring the next one."

This was my days now, I'm a whore, I fuck, I eat, I sleep. No more tears, no more blood and no more…never more…_Bakura._

My mouth formed those words I was too afraid too speak:

_"I miss you 'Kura."_

**What do you think? Review please! **


	4. Rain covered night

You will never understand the pain You will never understand the pain

Chapter four: _Rain covered night_

**Warning! Angst, good-byes and this chapter is about why and how Ryou left 'Kura. And how the man will react to this. **

Ryou sat by himself and had a sip of the cold cup of tea in front of him. It was raining tonight…Just like the night he made his lifes biggest decision. Before he could stop it, the memories from that night, the night he left the only one he ever loved:

After having sex in Bakura's bed, they snuggled lovíngly before they both fell asleep in their sweet-lovemaking nest. Ryou was for once in along time happy, and he was dreaming about their future..A future without Bakura's hatred eyes. A happy future together.

_But boy..He was wrong._

_In the middle of the night Ryou woke up by the sudden lighting, he rubbed his eyes and yawned. Before taking a look at the person beside him._

_Bakura was up, a light scent of smoke reached Ryou's sense. And a devilish smile was placed at the pale man's lips. _

_Ryou smiled unsurely and asked his love:_

"_Are you up already?"_

_The man didn't anwser, he just stared at the poor boy in front of him, like he was a human…and Ryou was nothing but a animal, a creature he __**hated.**_

_Ryou noticed by that moment that something was wrong, he went up slowly from the bed and his long, elegant finger almost touched the door when a breath-taking pain placed his head. Red thick blood coloured the boys silky white strands. And there he stood, the tall and handsome man, with a baseball-wood in his hands. Covered in blood from the angelic, innocent boy in front of him._

_And with hatred he spitted those words he never should've said:_

"_Get off of my vision you piece of shit…" And then Bakura throwed the piece of bloody wood before spitting on the crying boy's face._

"_I hate you." Were the last words the boy heard from the one he loved. _

_Ryou cried out loud and then he collapsed on the floor._

_And a hour later, he was on his way, to his new life. Without the man he was still deeply in love with. _

_He had only one thing in his mind, and that was: __**Get out of that place, there no one loves you. And no one ever will.**_

_Hi blinked away his tears and kept moving froward in the rainy weather._

_Poor Ryou, he didn't knew, how much Bakura loved him._

_And how broken the man will be, after finding out, that his prescious angel was gone….for ever. _

The next morning when Bakura woke up, he had a killer headache. It was a month now since Ryou left. And Bakura, he was a mess. He missed his angel. That loving, caring and innocent craeture.

Oh, How the man hated himself.

**Reviews Please Make a tired kitten happy.**


	5. Blind date

**_You will never understand the pain_**

**Chapter five**: _Blind date_

**Haha, I made Ryou seem like a whore...wait...he is a whore. Well enjoy!**

Ryou sat by himself at the bar and signed when a elegant bronze hand touched his shoulder gently.

"How'ya doin' Ry?" Malik asked and sat down beside the albino-boy. Ryou smiled and replied: "I'm just fine…Just thinking…drifting away again." Then he took a sip from his drink, club soda, he never drink alcohol, Malik thought and smiled gently.

"You've got a guest." The blonde nodded towards a sudden tall blond's way. And Ryou turned around just in time to be gently hugged by Marik. "Wassup Bunny?" The dark chuckled and kissed Ryou softly on his head.

"Uh..Hi Mari'…I'm just gonna…" Ryou wiggled softly in the yami's lap." Take care of my guest…now." Then he disappeared with the man into a room.

Marik sat down beside his brother and took a sip of Ryou's soda. "He always seem so sad…don't you think?" Malik nodded and sat down in his brother's lap, stroking his hair gently. "Whatcha gonna do about it nii-san?" The petite boy asked and teased his older borther with a soft nibble on his ear. Marik chuckled and kissed Malik quickly before smirking: "Perhaps...he needs someone...to be with." Malik looked very confused and replied: "He has us!" Marik rolled his eyes: "I mean...someone to love and be loved stupid."

Malik made an 'ow' and smiled evil-ish.

"I've got an idea! We can fix him a blind date with your wierdo-friend...Imean...they kinda look like each other don't you think?" Malik's lilac, huge puppy-eyes was set on the other pair in front of him. Marik groaned...He was sure that Bakura would kill him for setting up a 'blind date' for him...but he'll definitly kill him if it was a blind date with a hooker. But Malik was hard to resist...so he agreed to **try** to talk to Bakura about this.

But the twins had no idea that the two albino boys already had a sad love story together.

Inside the S&M room(Sadomasochism)

The tall man, who was pretty handsome. Stroked his blond bangs away and spanked Ryou's ass while the said boy ride him insane. Litteraly.

"Ah...Oh you're soo good...Ah..." Ryou moaned. The man groaned and almost yelled:

"Ride me hard you fucking whore! Ah..Yes...you naughty bitch!"

"Ah-Ah...I'm na-naughty...SPANK ME BABY!" White endless legs wrapped around sunkissed hips and the blond came hard inside of Ryou. And the boy faked his orgasm...again.

Since he had sex with the twins...no one has made him come again.

Ryou couldn't stop thinking about Bakura. He missed him...no matter how the man had hurt him...He still loved the Thief.

He was already sick of this new life.

Bakura's house

"What do you want Marik?? I thought that you wasn't ever gonna talk to me again after I screwed your brother on your birthday five years ago." The man smirked and Marik smiled:

"Ah...we can't let our friendship be ruined by that right?" And he let himself inside.

"Holy shit 'Kura...when was the last time you cleaned?!"

Teh entire house was a mess since Ryou moved out. Even though the boy just moved in two years ago. Bakura sighed heavily and replied annoyed:

"What the fuck are you? House inspector?! Whatcha doin' here anyway?!"

"I'm setting you up for a blind date."

Bakura almost choked his lollipop.

"Malik's idea...we've got a new guy at our place, my brother is very attached to him and...yeah...well, he's your type anyway." Marik tried to smile and thought that the Thief would kill him very, very soon.

Bakura's thoughts were: 1.Kill Marik. 2.Wait, not yet. 3. A hooker? My date is a hooker...4.Yay...new lay for me. 5.No need to kill Marik. (placed in order.)

The albino smiled a huge grin and now it was Marik's turn to almost choke.

"Well...Thanks pal. Wanna bear?"

"I...uhm...maybe another day..."

"Well...when is the date then? I'm really looking forward to it." Bakura grinned again.

"Eh...maybe...after tomorrow?"

"A'right(haha took ya word again 'Kura-sensei..I'm a nughty kitty.). I'll drop by then."

Marik was stunned. Was it really so simple?

"Ehm..right. See ya then." And Bakura was left alone again.

Seven Eleven

"RYRY! Guess what guess what?!" Malik glomped Ryou.

"...What? I'm not in the mood for fuck."

"I've got you a date! He's very handsome..." the blonde giggled.

Ryou sighed and pulled Malik away.

"I don't want a date..."

"Well you got to...I decided it!" Ryou was having a real headache so he just mumbled a 'yeah yeah..' and went to his room for some rest.

After tomorrow was his big day...for the first time he was going have his first performance on stage. He's having a strip show.

"Dammit...why did I agreed to do it?! I hate to be in the center..." The boy mumbled in his pillow.

**Review please! I wanna know what you think about the blind date thingy.**


	6. Our past part1

**_You will never understand the pain_**

_Chapter six: _**Our past. Part.1**

_**Well, more past time history thingy here…Ryou and 'Kura's past! Please read and review**!_

Ryou walked past the messy crowd on the backstage. Soon it was his turn to walk in and make a show of himself. He breathed heavily and walked once again with quick steps toward his louge.

While he entranced the small, yet comfy room, he rested his head against the leather couch in the corner, next to the window. It was a beautiful weather today…Just like the day two years ago when they, Bakura and him, became _lovers_…

**Ryou's past:**

_"Mom, guess what? There's this new guy in our class…His name is Bakura. He's so coool." Ryou smiled innocently to his mother. A elegant, tall woman with a kind smile, just like her son. She cupped Ryou's soft pink cheeks with one jeweled hand and stroked it softly:_

"_You like him, dear, don't you?" _

_Ryou blushed slightly before nodding. His mother took him in for an embrance and kissed his forehead. "Then go for it. I'm sure he can't resist my lovely angel's charm." _

_The next day Ryou confrontated his now-not-so-secret-love. _

"_Uhm..Hi..Ba-Bakura-san." The shy boy bowed slightly. Pointed browns were lifted slightly and a dark, sensual voice replied suprisly:_

"_Hello..Ryou…What do you want?"_

_The shorter one blushed madly and knuckles squeezed the marien blue uniform tightly. Bakura was very popular, the girls adored him and the guys were all looking up to him. Ryou had the luck of being his bench-mate. The older male became a friend to him…not a close friend, but at least they could talk sometimes. _

_Now Ryou could barely look at the other male. His mother's kind face turnde up in his head, and he took a last deep breath and faced Bakura. _

" _I..think I love you. Your dark eyes, when you're studying something that has the luck to catch your attention..And your dark, sexy voice that makes me shiver…Your everything reminds me that life is worth living. I know that you may be straight…And that you may not like me at all…But I just..I just had to.." Tears dripped down from Ryou's cheeks, he was so scared of getting rejected. _

_The darker one just stared at him, t eboy in front of him…sobbing, and the sight of it was heart-broking. So he did the only thing he could do. He took the thin boy in his arms and held on to him like it was between life an death. Surprised, but filled with joy, the boy returned the warm embrance. _

_And from that day on, they were like an unseparateable couple. Ryou's mother accepted Bakura as a second son. But his father wouldn't be pleased with the thought of his only son being gay. Luckily for them, he wasn't home very often. _

_They lived happily together for an half year, before the hell broke out. _

_Ryou began to notice Bakura's strange behavior, sometime…the man wasn't …himself. Ryou became more and more worried. And one day, Bakura went so far that he had hurt Ryou. He slapped the biy's face, and an small amount of blood dripped down from his pink lips. With teary eyes he met the eyes of the man he loves…Ryou's gaze was screaming "why?". _

_But Bakura couldn't anwser to that. _

_Even Ryou's mother became more and more suspicious of Bakura's behavior…sometimes the boy just seemed…Dangerous, yes, that's the word. _

_One rainy night, the happy side of story took it's end. Ryou was on his curfew, and Bakura were on his way to their house. The second he entered the door a familiar scent of blood reached his nose. He walked inside to the living room, and there lied Ryou's beloved mother, lifeless, and drowned in blood. _

_Shocked, and scared, he took a step closer…when a sudden voice approached his ears:_

"'_Kura? Why is it dark here?" And then the lights turned on. Ryou's innocent little face was blank. His eyes reflected his mother's dead face…the blood…then he screamed. He yelled…he kicked things around him…And then, he stared at the man before him:_

"_Did you kill my mother?"_

_Bakura could only shook hs head. Too many emotions was digging into his head…he couldn't handle much more…_

_When the police came they had both been quiet for at least fifteen minutes, those minutes felt like an eternity for Bakura, he felt like Ryou was blaming him. _

_The policemen took them both away separatly for the questioning. And shortly after that, Bakura was diagnosed with Schitzofrenia. _

_The case remained unsolved, and no one knew who'd killed Ryou's mother. _

**End of part 1.**


	7. Our past part2

**_You will never understand the pain_**

_Chapter seven:_ **Our past part.2**

**Second part of their past…And if we're lucky I may update the other chapter with some Bakura POV. And then you'll get some yaoi! :) Finally xD**

It was now ten minutes left until Ryou was going on stage. He signed deeply and the vision of the sick and hurt Bakura after the incident with his mother popped up in his mind…

**_Past time:_**

_It was three months ago since Ryou's mother got killed. The boy couldn't make himself forgive, or trust the man in those past months. Now, he thought that it was up to him to make things work again…After all, he still loved him._

_The white door to Bakura's room in the hospital opened, and a thin human with long, white hair was ripping apart flowers from a plant. He stared at a empty spot beside him and seemed to be talking quietly to someone._

"'_Ku-Kura?" Ryou stepped closer carefully. Dark brown eyes catched his huge orbs, Bakura was stunned. _

"_Oh…Ryou. Hello…" A slight bit of happiness showed in Bakura's face before he looked down again. Mumbling something._

_After a long and embarrasing silence…Bakura finally spoke:_

"_I didn't kill her…I didn't do it." The his gaze met with Ryou's again. _

_It took just a simple stare like that, to make Ryou trust Bakura. So he just nodded simply and sat down beside the older male._

"_How…are you doing?" he asked carefully. Bakura chuckled and replied:_

"_Fine..as you can see. They fucking treat me like a psycho…And I can't do a shit, they won't let me talk, or listen to music…I can't even go out by myself. I wanna be free again Ry…"_

_Bakura's eyes showed desire, and loneliness…Ryou couldn't do anything else except hugging him softly, whispering 'I'm sorry' again and again. _

_The man closed his eyes, and mumbled in Ryou's chest: _

"_I've missed you baby…"_

"_I know…I missed you too…so much. Let's go home now. " Ryou sniffed lovely and rubbed his tearfilled eyes gently. _

_Bakura raised a brow: "How? They will never let me go in this condition…Ryou.." He grabbed the boy's cheek gently. "Don't you understand? I'm sick, I've schitzofrenia…I've at least two different personalities…and the doc's said that I may get worse and starting to imagine things…I may hurt you, Ryou! I can't be with you anymore." _

_Ryou just stared at Bakura._

"_But you could at least try to cure it…For me?" He begged. _

_Bakura was quiet for a time, and then he nodded slowly. _

_After half a year, he was fit enough to leave the hospital, they moved to a new city and started a new life together. And as long as Bakura took his medicines, his sickness didn't harmed anyone anymore. _

_One day…everything changed. It was quite a time now since they slept together. And Ryou started to get worry. He stroked Bakura's neck softly before licking it, moaning the male's name at the same time…Ryou knew that this aroused Bakura. _

_But the older one responsed differently… He pushed Ryou away gently, and gave him a sorry look. Ryou was confused by this situation, so he just waited with patience, for the anwser._

"_I..I've started with this new medicine." Ryou nodded, waiting for him to continue._

"_Well…It makes me…it…irrisistates me against….sexual..things…I mean…" Ryou's kitten-like eyes stared at Bakura, widely. _

"_You mean, that this new medication makes you…impotence?" _

_Bakura nodded. And the boy just didn't wanted to believe this. _

_After that, Ryou stopped trying to make closer moves to Bakura. It was hurting them both so badly, that they couldn't prove their love to each other in a physical way. So Bakura started to li to Ryou. He said to him, that he was getting better, so he didn't needed that new medicine anymore. _

_And as naïve as Ryou was, he believed him. _

_So everything went great, until the other Bakura made entrance in their perfect life. _

_Ryou noticed that his boyfrined started to act more and more aggressive, it leaded to arguments, fights and then, the hittings began. _

_Ryou wasn't stupid, he knew by that time that Bakura wasn't fit, he was still sick. But no matter how hard he tried to make the man take medication again, it didn't work. _

_So day after day, he was beated by his own boyfriend. _

_Until the day he escaped the endless nightmare. _

**End of the past. **

**Review plllllleeeeaaassseee?? **


	8. Illusion

**_You will never understand the pain_**

_Chapter eight_: **Illusion**

**_This is all Bakura POV. Please review :3 'cause I feel like writing this for myself. Is anyone actually reading this?_**

I woke up this morning with a throbbing headache and I dragged myself out of the bed to make some coffee. I still had blood on my shirt I wore yesterday when I was in a fight with one of my man.

But hell…since when did blood bother me?

I then took a sip of my black energy liquid and the pain just wouldn't go away. My eyes wandered around in the kitchen and fell on the black clock on the wall…

It was time for my medicine, for my 'sickness'. I had such a pain in my head, so I ignored the doctor's words in my head and throwed the box of tiny little pills in the box again.

My fingertips massaged my head gently and then I closed my eyes. The song: _Nothing at all_, sang by Ronan Keating was playing in the radio. Such an old song, I thought and laughed shortly for myslef.

I remembered when Ryou used to play it everyday, he always smiled. Mumbling the text and then he sing it for me…

_I miss him…God please make him come back…_

When the song ended with the final text I opened my eyes…And there he was, my Ryou.

He smiled at me gently and wrapped his thin arms around my neck. Whispering softly: _Forgive me_.

I couldn't believe it..It's really _him_…but, _how_?

My hand stroked his hair softly and he leaned in for a kiss. His soft tongue fondled mine and I responded by biting it softly.

"Let's eat some cake 'Kura." He then smiled and showed me a bag of cake he've bought.

I must've looked confused, because when he took my hand and lead me to the kitchen, he also giggled softly and said:

"It's your birthday today, 'Kura. Don't you remember?" A spoon full of strawberry cheesecake were in front of my eyes and Ryou grinned: "Say 'ah'."

My eyes were suddenly wide open, I wasn't in the kitchen, I was still in my bed. It's the sickness again. I knew I should've take the medicine…

Great, now I'm starting to hallucinate things. I had some water and then I went back to sleep. I was to tired to eat, or take my meds. I wanted to die..since my presence doesn't please anyone.

"Wake up Honey-'Kura." A cheerful voice said. And my eyes were once again opened. A pair of chocolate brown orbs stared at me, and Ryou's cute face showed up being in front of mine.

_Not again,_ I thought.

"You're not real…this isn't real…" I mumbled. Ryou stroked my chin gently and whispered with a seductive voice: "Am I no real?"

His long, elegant fingers unbottoned his shirt and then he throwed a sexy look at me : "Am I no real?"

I swallowed hard when he lead my hand to his delicate chest, he made me touch his nipple, feel his heartbeat. And it was so real…

"Is this…hah…no real?" He said and breathed heavily when my fingers broused his nipple.

I couldn't resist anymore…

His eyes widened when I suddenly attacked him to lay on his back and pulled my tongue forcefully in his mouth.

Then his small hands stroked my back and he pulled away from the kiss just so that he could give me access to his beautiful neck.

I licked it and sucked it, and the little thing moaned under me:

"Ah…! Please, _please_…" I chuckled, it was always fun to tease Ryou.

"Please what, my kitten? " He blushed and avoided my stare, he called it a sin. My eyes, were a sin.

My hand rubbed his hard member throu' the fabric and he pushed his hips upwards against my palm. I slowly unzipped his pants with my teeths and pulled out his dripping cock. Meanwhile, Ryou's voice aroused me hardly: "Agh! Li-Lick it…pl-please! Uhn…Ah! "

So I did, I licked along his length and sucked the tip, tasting the pre-cum. Long fingers stroked away my bangs, and I took him whole.

"AHHH!"

Thick, yet small lips were widely apart and Ryou sang his lungs out, just like an angel in heaven.

"You are still…uh…tight as a virgin, Ry." I pulled my dick out from his ass.

"Ahn…Fas-Faster…" Ryou sucked his finger and gave me that naughty schoolboy-look, so I quickened my movements and we moaned in union.

"Oh gee' 'Ku-Kura! I'm gonna…" I grabbed Ryou's back and pulled him up in my chest. He bit his lip and moaned loudly next to my ear.

"Ahg…I know..Together."

I pushed my self in and out of him faster and faster, and his breathes became harder and harder.

"Ah..Ah..AHN! " We moaned into each others mouth and he colapsed in my arms.

" I-I love…"

My eyes were _wide_ open, and Ryou was gone. It was just…an illusion.

I screamed as loudly as I could, in anger, despair, and sadness.

"_**Come back Ryou**_!"

In that second, I became a mad man. I broked every single thing that came to my sight.

A fotoframe fell down on the floor, glass were everywhere, one piece stroked my cheek, blood sippered in to my mouth. It tasted salty, yet sweet.

Then I saw the photo…It was taken two month ago. It was Ryou's birthday, I took him to a amusement park, his cheeks were pink because he were so excited then. My arm rested casually on his shoulder and I kissed his cheek.

My fingers touched the photo softly…We were so happy back then.

What took that tiny smile from that innocent boy?

**Me.**

I did it, I took his everything. Maybe it was me who killed his mother. My mind is so screwed up..sometimes I don't even know if things, or people I see is real.

If moments I've spent with people were true…If my existence were true.

I slapped myself in the face, and was relieved when the pain hitted me. The pain is the only thing that is real. Until that day I can sense the difference between reality and fantasy, I'll have to give myself pain…

But the only person that could save me from myself is Ryou…And I didn't even had a chance to say it to him.

_I wish that you were here Ryou…My angel, I love you._


	9. Intro

**_You will never understand the pain_**

**Chapter nine:** _Intro_

**Long time no see! I'm here again...Sorry for the late update, I use to update faster. But here you go, an appetizer. I'll try to give you some yaoi-yum-yum tomorrow, or tonight. love to ya all.**

:-:

**At Seven Eleven**

Ryou sighed heavily again before putting on a pure red leather skirt. Malik came up behind him suddenly and said with a big smile: "How's my favorite bunny doin'?"

With a tiny smile Ryou replied: "Hey Malik…I'm just fine, a bit nervous."

"Because of your performance or because of your blind date?" Malik asked curiously.

The other boy turned around with a suprised gasp, his white silk strands dancing over his pale bare shoulders: "What blind date?"

"The one I settled you up for, remember? He's coming by to watch your show." A pair of lilac orbs blinked innocently. The darker twin came up behind his brother and kissed the platina hair softly.

"Wassup, honey, and bunny…?" Marik smirked and gave Ryou a nod.

Anger rushed through Ryou's vein.

"Well…I would've been fine if you two _morons_ didn't settled me up with some _stupid_ guy **I don't even know!"**

The two brothers yelped, making Ryou mad is not a good idea, once he's mad, he could ignore them for days.

"I'm sorry RyRy…I just…thought, well…you were _lonely_. That's all." Malik explained.

"I'm _not _lonely! If I were, I could perfectly handle things on my own! It's none of your business! " Ryou said with red cheeks. He thought about Bakura again…_**How can I ever forget him?**_

The truth is, that Ryou is not ready to date someone, to love someone else yet. His heart still ached for his darker reflection.

"I'm going on stage now, and I'm gonna make this. Please explain to that guy that I'm not…in the mood for a date know, maybe I never will be. I know you're just thinking of my own good, but, I don't need this. Okay?"Ryou said, with a softer tone, and smiled carefully towards the twins. "Besides, I've got you two, how could I ever be lonely?"

Then he turned away and walked towards the scene.

The twins smiled sadly, and waved Ryou goobye.

"…how am I gonna tell 'Kura about this?" Marik sighed. Malik patted his head and replied:

"In some way…but at least now we know why RyRy is here…he lost his true love. That's why he refuse to date someone, to love again. I'm sure that the guy RyRy loved is a jerk…that's why RyRy is so hurt. " Malik pouted cutely and received a kiss from his brother.

"I know honey…I know."

Then suddenly, Marik's phone rang.

"Yo. Marik speaking."

"I know that you moron." Bakura's voice cut through the cell phone display.

Marik almost dropped the phone.

"_Fuck!_ I mean, 'Kura…ehm, what do you want? " he said nervously.

"I want you to turn around and notice my existence you fucked up egocentric piece of shit." An annoyed voice said from both the phone and behind their back. Marik and Malik turned around quickly and saw the perfect view in front of them, making both of them drool.

Bakura, wearing a tight pair of leather pants and a black tank top glaring irratetly at them with a phone in his hand. His elegant fingers clicked the phone off and went straight up to brush away some white spikes from his view.

"Finally! I had to call you to make you notice my existence." He muttered. "Now, can we amke this quickly? I've to attend to some meeting later."

Marik chuckled, " Well, I'm sorry for being a…what did you call me? '_Egocentric piece of shit'_. Gee 'Kura, I didn't know you could say such a difficult adjective. "

"Excuse me for being a stupid bitch. " Bakura replied ironicly before looking around curiously. "Sooo…which one of those delicious hookers are mine?" He licked his lips.

The twins sweat-dropped…

"Ehm…actually, he's on stage right now and…" Bakura disapeared immediately. "…I don'think he wants to see you…" Malik dropped the last words while watching Bakura disapear in the audience.

"He never listen, does he now?" Malik sighed.

"Nope, now come on darling, I wouldn't miss Ryou's show for the world." Marik said and walked with Malik towards the audience.

**Behind the stage**

Ryou walked nervously around in circles behind the stage, and tried to calm down by a glass of water.

"Hey chill little one." A voice said behind him, it was Jou, the senior prostitute. They were quite good friends since he was treating Ryou well.

"Oh hey Jou…how did it go? With your show I mean.." Ryou smiled.

"Well…it went quite well I guess. It's your first time on stage right?" Jou sat down on the floor and looked up to Ryou.

"Yes..and, I'm afraid I would just mess it up.."

"Don't worry…I used to imagine that I was alone in a room full of things I like, so it won't feel…so…dirty, ya know?" Jou smiled and his blond hair fell down to his cheeks.

"Oh…okay, I'll try, thanks Jou!" Ryou smiled before walking to the stage.

It was his turn now.

:-:

**Reviewy!! Tell me now...should I let 'Kura and Ryou meet each other now...or later. If you choose later, then 'Kura will not know about Ryou's 'job'. If you choose now, then it means I'll end this story a bit earlier then what I expected. -**

**And don't kill me...I promise to update tomorrow...or tonight if I'm bored. Promisepromisepromise! :'3**


	10. I AM the yakuza

**_You will never understand the pain_**

**Chapter ten:** **I AM the Yakuza**

"_blah_" -thoughts

**' Sorry, I'm late...again. :) But here it is, the new chapter. **

**To not confuse you too much: **

**Ryou lied about his name to Marik and Malik, he said that his name was Ryuzaki, you can read about it in chapter two, just to remind you. ;)**

**Bakura is the leader of the yakuza(japanese mafia). **

**Enjoy and don't forget to make me happy by reviewing. :D**

:-:

Ryou walked out with confident steps and his body melted to the music, his hips swayed to the beat and with a loud moan he climbed against the pole. The men below him went crazy and of course, no one could take their eyes from this pale beauty in front of them.

The boy wore a tight and short leather skirt that fitted perfectly against his sexy ass, his upper body were naked and his long hair flyed around his head when he moved.

He was beautiful, and attractive…He knew about it.

Under him, in the crowd full of people, a pair of dark brown orbs stared at him…in disbelief.

"Hey, 'Kura…_enjoying_ yourself?" Marik asked and patted the albino's back gently.

"…EH? Oh…uhm, yeah…I am. " Bakura anwsered, his gaze still wandering around the boy on the stage.

"You like him 'KurKur? " Malik's sweet voice teased. Bakura tensed and mumbled something about taking a smoke and went out through the back door, leaving two confused blondes staring at nothing in front of them.

Finally, Malik broke the silence:

"I _think_ he's jacking off…"

And then both of them laughed out loud and went to backstage for Ryou.

**Backstage**

Ryou changed to a comfy shirt and a pair fo jeans, and then he was attacked by a surtain blonde:

"RyRy!! You were great out there!! They loved you! _**I love you!**_ " Malik said and hugged Ryou tightly. Ryou giggled and asked Marik quietly:

"You gave him alcohol didn't you?" Marik just chuckled and grabbed Malik and carried him away from Ryou.

"C'mon honey, let the boy rest." And with a few protests from Malik, they disapeared.

Ryou sighed deeply and went out to the club, now filled with men.

They danced, had a couple of drinks, and enjoyed their time, and as Ryou expected, no one noticed that he was the sexy dancer they all fanboy:ed. So he went straight to the bar, and ordered himself a coke..he hated alcohol, because it always made Bakura more abusive than usual.

**Outside the club**

Bakura took a long sip of his beer and throwed away his burned down cigarette on the ground, he never bothered to stamp on it.

" _Was that really Ryou? I..I don't know what to believe…was that boy even real? Or was it just my imagination?…Oh god! So many fucking questions, why can't someone anwser me…"_

"AHHH!! I've had enough, real or not, I'm going inside and I'm gonna fucking talk to him!"

Bakura said and almost ripped his own hair in desperation and then he went inside again. It was warm and very, very noisy. He went looking for the twins, but couldn't find them anywhere, so he went to the bar, and ordered himself a tequila. He needed something…refreshing.

He took his shot in one sip and didn't notice that his elbow hitted someone's head in the way.

The large man beside him who just got his head hitten was not happy about it, he pushed Bakura's back and said:

"_Hey!_ You just hit my head you little punk!"

Bakura wasn't in the mood for this, so he just shrugged:

"So?"

"Apologise! Fucker!" The man spitted out. Bakura was really pissed off by this point so he punched the man in the face and then kicked his stomache hard, with his thick boots.

"Never, **ever** call me a fucker again you fat ass!"

Their litte 'argument' had caused a huge mess and what Bakura didn't knew, was that the 'fat ass' he just kicked was one of the yakuza leader around here. The large man called his gang from his cell phone and yelled to Bakura, who's being dragged away from the man by Marik:

"You just wait you little fucker!!"

Bakura yelled back:

"I'm gonna kick your fat ass again and again you fatso!"

"Let me go Ishtar! Or I'll kick your ass too!" Bakura struggled in Marik's arms.

"No way 'Kura..you crazy man. Do you have any idea who you just kicked?" Marik sighed and dropped Bakura off on the "make-out"-couch.

"I don't give a fuck…and you know that." Bakura glared at Marik.

"I know you don't…but he's one of the most powerful men around here, in this hood."

"SO?" Bakura gave Marik the same bored look he gave the 'fatso'. Marik groaned and sat down on Bakura's lap.

"Listen carefully now, I don't want any trouble at my place, and I've known you and like you enough to be a bit sad if you got so beat up by those merciless monsters."

Bakura was stunned…Marik's caring, and worrying about him?? The world is getting stranger and stranger.

"I…I know Ishtar…So-Sorry I guess…" Bakura scratched his head and avoided the surprised look from Marik.

"It's weird to hear a sorry from you, 'Kura." Marik chuckled and ruffled Bakura's hair.

"Shu-Shut up fucker!" The other male blushed a bit and pushed Marik down from his lap.

When Marik got up from the floor and sat down beside him, Bakura's mind went back to the Ryou-like boy again.

"Hey Ishtar…that boy…with the red skirt. Is he…I mean, is his name possibly Ryou?" He asked carefully.

Marik laughed loudly:

"No! He's name's Ryuzaki. Why are you asking, and who's Ryou anyway?" Marik asked curiously. The second Marik said no, Bakura felt his heart sunk again. So it wasn't him after all…

With a sigh he got up on his feet and stretched like a cat before turning his head to Marik:

"Gotta go, I've a fat ass to beat up."

Marik stared at Bakura with widened eyes:

"Are you serious? He's got a whole mob with him this time! Get out from the back door and I'll just tell them you left."

Bakura laughed out loudly and layed his hands on his hips:

"Ishtar dear…I think you've missed something…since when, do I back off from a fight? Besides, he's the one that doesn't know who he's dealing with. He might be a yakuza boss…but **I AM the yakuza**…Hahaha!" And with that said, the white-haired man walked away, his laugh still echoing.

**:-:**

**Well ..'' I'm terribly sorry..they didn't meet each other in this chapter either. I promise they'll in the nest one..ehm..maybe? ' don't kill me and Review!**


	11. I don't want to see you

**_You will never understand the pain_**

**Chapter eleven: I don't want to see you**

**:'3 I back! Hope you'll like it! x3 No yaoi in this chappy, but I promise you some in the next. ;3 enjoy!**

**:-:**

Marik had apperently told the truth when he said that the fat-ass has some power here in the hood, Bakura thought when he saw the bunch of men, waiting for him at the bar.

Bakura spit out his cigarette and gave them all a glare:

"What the fuck do you want? Don't 'cause any unecessary trouble here…"

The fat man stepped forward and looked at Bakura with a stuck-up attitude:

"We're here to pay you back for my sore ass."

Bakura laughed heavily and pretended to wipe some tear from his eyes:

"I-I can't believe you have the guts to come back here just to have your ass kicked again. Hahaha.."

One of the man's guys couldn't stand his boss being humilated by this brat anymore so he throwed a bottle of beer at Bakura, the said man duck and the bottle missed his head by inches.

But that attempt to hurt him pissed Bakura off. He punched the guy right in the face and broke his nose with his strong knuckles.

And so…the fight has begun.

The guests and whores ran as fast as they could to their room, or out to their car.

Malik and Marik sighed deeply, knowing they couldn't stop Bakura for the world from killing every single one of them by his own.

"He sure has some anger issues, does he not? Nii-chan?" Malik said and rested his head on his brother's shoulder. Marik stroked his koi's hair and mumbled something about killing Bakura later for broking his favorite beer glass.

And two floors above them, Ryou heard the crashes and bangs. _What the hell is going on downstairs? _He thought and went down to check, and met the twins at the end of the stairs.

"Mari'? Malik? What's going on?"

Two pair of dark lilac orbs stared back at him and Malik expained with a deep sigh:

"One of your customers is in fight with Marik's best friend."

"What? But…Shouldn't we…uhm..**stop them**?" Ryou asked, confused over the whole situation…_Shouldn't Marik be helping his friend or something?_

Marik groaned:

"Well….you see, my friend is having trouble with his anger. Once he is on, no one can stop him. And I'm not gonna be stupid enough to try."

Ryou peeked behind his shoulder to the bar and saw one guy standing against at least fifteen other guys. And then he saw, the customer he hated most in the world, Mr. Nakamura. _That old fat pig…_

"But…he is alone against so many guys! And Nakamura's guys on top of that…Maybe I should try to ask Nakamura to stop this fight.." Ryou said and walked slowly towards the bar.

Malik treid to stop him but Marik pulled him back and shook his head:

"Let him go, you know how stubborn he can be."

Malik nodded slowly and looked sadly at Ryou's back…Just_ be careful, My friend. _Then he curled himself deeper in his brothers chest and relaxed.

The closer Ryou walked…the more he wondered, _What kind of man could possibly even have the guts to stand up to Nakamura? _But the anwser was close…so close…

"Haha! What do you think of that you fat-ass?!" A voice yelled in excitement and a loud crash was heard again. Ryou tried to stop some of them but nothing worked. So he pushed himself through the crowd and stood in the middle of everyone. He grabbed a beer bottle and smashed it against the bar.

Everything went quiet. Everyone freezed. And a familiar voice was heard:

"…Ryou?"

It was Bakura. Bakura.Was.Here.

Ryou turned around with tears in his eyes and saw that familiar face, those lips, those crimson eyes…and the hair, same as his own, yet very different. _He haven't changed at all..._

"Ba…kura."

They starede into each others eyes, but none of them moved. None of them dared to say something…anything..

It was Bakura who made the first move, he dropped the broken beer bottle in his hand and walked slowly towards Ryou. He stroked his hand against his pants so the blood came off, and he touched Ryou's cheek…His fingers stroked the skin softly. His eyes were questioning, afraid that this was an illusion again. A tear dripped down from Ryous eyes and their gaze were fixed on each other. It felt like they were in their own world, nothing else exist. Bakura forgot about his fight, Ryou forgot about stopping the fight.

One guy came up behind Ryou and was just about to hit his head with a bottle when Bakura pulled Ryou away and took the hit on his shoulder.

The pain hitted him directly and blood dripped down from his shoulder.

Marik couldn't stand it anymore:

"That's it! Get the fuck out of here or I'll fucking call the cops!"

Nakamura glared at Bakura and spit:

"Consider yourself lucky this time."

He waved to his gang and they disapeard.

Bakura hissed in pain when he took off his sweater, checking out his new wound.

"Oh my god…'Kura, you're bleeding!" Ryou bent down on his knees and touched the wound softly. "Malik! Get me the first-aid! Quickly!"

Malik was confused over Ryou's reactions, _Ryou knows Bakura? How weird…_

"**Malik!!"**

"Oh..yeah, right…" He ran upstairs and grabbed the white box. He shook his head as to clear his thoughts and ran downstairs again. He hand over Ryou the box and sat down on one chair they haven't destroyed.

Ryou opened the box and yelled to Marik to get some water, Bakura sat down on the floor and let the boy taking care of his wounds. Ryou cleaned the blood carefully and bandaged the wounds tenderly. His white bangs brushing against his dark lashes.

"Ryou…Thanks…" Bakura said and watched Ryou with a soft gaze..he couldn't believe how lucky he was…Ryou was actually here, and he was real!

"Never mind…just, don't do it again." Was Ryou's short reply.

"No prob'…Ehn…So..How've you been?" Bakura asked, a light blush spreading over his cheeks.

Ryou replied icily:

"Just fine…Thank you." "There, I've taken care of your wounds…but you should probably go to the hospital and check if you've broke your bones or something. " The box closed with a 'click' and Ryou stood up on his feets again.

"Uh..yeah, sure..I..Ryou **wait**!"

Ryou stopped in his trace and turned around.

"What?"

"I-I..I'm sorry…do you, I mean, by any chance…maybe we could..ehm.." Bakura scratched his head, he had no idea how to formulate his words..He wanted to apologise, to tell Ryou that he meant the world to Bakura. To see Ryou laugh again…to kiss his perfect rosy lips.

But it was so hard…

"I don't to see you again Bakura. Please leave." A cold voice said, so unlike Ryou's usual warm and cosy voice. But yet, it was true. Ryou's face was cold and he looked like he had really meant those words.

But, how can Bakura blame Ryou? After all, he wouldn't forgive himself either.

"Oh..ehm..Listen..I just want to say, I..I'm sorry…"

"Don't you think that's a little too late?" Ryou's gaze softnened a bit.

Bakura nodded:

" Maybe…but I want you to know…you," Bakura pointed at Ryou. " Will always be here." Bakura pointed to his heart. "Just thought you should know." He smiled sadly and walked out of the door.

Marik and Malik's gaze wandered between the now crying Ryou and Bakura's sad, lonely back.

**:-:**

**Uaaah! ;;'**

**So sad...sniff...I hate myself. Review and make me feel better! :'D**


	12. Valentine's Special!

**_You will never understand the pain_**

**Valentine's Day Special!**

**Sorry for the late updates I'm truly sorry. I'm having kinda relationship issues of my own, so it may take some time to update something every week or every two week. I'm trying my best though, and I hope you all will like this one! I dedicate it to my beloved 'Kura.**

**You will now understand why it took Ryou so long time and so much reconsideration to leave Bakura!**

**Ryou POV.**

**:-:**

Sitting by myself after work, it suddenly hit me that it was the Valentine's Day today. As usual, I'd make homemade chocolate for 'Kura and he will come home with a white rose to me. We'd have dinner together outside and then make sweet sweet love to each other until the sun rises up again…

But this year, it was different… The 'Kura I loved hasn't show up for ages, and my body is full of bruises from the other him. Ysterday, when I took my shower he tried to burn me with really really hot water… My thighs are full of blisters and some part of my body were still red and sore. I don't want my loved one to see me now.

"Why is it so unfair?" I mumbled and watched all the lovey-dovey couples walking around on the streets. Heart-decorations and the colours red and pink were everywhere.

Sigh…I better head home.

Carefully, as trying not to make any sound, I opened the front door and stepped inside. Bakura was not home, thank god. Or else he would probably get mad at me again for coming home this late of an hour…

Inhaling a deep breath I rested my sore body against the wall.

…maybe I should make him some chocolate anyways… It is, after all, Valentine's Day.

"Dammit!" I burned myself on the stove. The piece of flesh smelt burnt and I quickly put some ice on that. The chocolate cake was very good though, it smelled delicious and I really put all my efforts into making this…

"Hehe, I hope he will like it!"

No, I can't give it to him… he would probably just destory it and laugh right in my face.

But at the same second as I thought of that, he came home.

Shit! I tried to hide the cake somewhere behind my back and the kitchen table but that didn't work, and the exact second I turned around to face him, I smelt the stinky breath you receive from alcohol.

He has been drinking again.

"What the hell are you trying to hide from me huh, brat?"

Oh no… He pushed me aside and while I shut my eyes he looked down on the heart-shaped piece of chocolate-strawberry cake I had spent two hours working on.

"Oh…is this…for me?" He asked. I couldn't decide from his voice whenether I should run or be happy. So I just nodded carefully and waited for his reply.

"….Thanks."

…Excuse me? Did he just say 'thanks'?

"Oh… ehm no problem I just made it in case you know… I .."

He shut my worthless blabbering with a soft kiss. Even though I hated the smell of alcohol, it felt good.

When we pulled away, he stepped outside from the kitchen and yelled at me to come here.

With my mind full of curiousity, I walked to the living room and…and…

Bakura, smiling gently while holding a huge bunch of white roses.

"Happy Valentine's Day Ryou."

Tears were over-whelming and my knees felt weak, I fell down on the floor and cried my heart out while mumbling over and over again: thank you.

Bakura sat down on the floor and kissed my tears away, gently, tear by tear. And the he kissed my wet lips, he tasted like salt, like ocean…

"…'Kura…Can we travel to the ocean?" I asked carefully. He didn't even stopped to think, his anwser came immediately: Of course.

We were now sitting by the end of the beach, with the ocean just a step away… It felt so refreshing, and so…nice.

I wanted to stay here, with him, forever.

"I love you Ryou."

He took my hand and stared into my eyes, yup, it sure was my 'Kura alright…

"I love you too 'Kura, always." I smiled, a true, genuine smile.

He pushed me down gently on the ground and kissed me, he was so different from his other self, so caring, gentle and…scared.

"I trust you 'Kura, you can do things the way you want to." I hold him close to me, his hand touched the left side of my chest.

"I can hear your heartbeats Ryou, you're so full of life…" He mumbled and unbuttoned my shirt, button by button. Each time his fingers touched my bear skin, I was nearly at my climax. This wasn't crazy sex, this wasn't screw around like bunnies, this was making love.

With a gentle movement, I undressed him, slowly, enjoying every piece of flesh that showed up by my movement.

His breath became heavy.

"Touch me." He commanded.

I shut my hand arounded his warm and hard member, sliding up and down, making him groan, moan and plead for my touch.

But just as he was about to come, he pushed my hand away, and slide one finger inside me. It didn't hurt, just by looking at him made my mind go blank. His eyes were my drug. His lips were my pain-killers, and his heart was my love.

"I can't wait anymore Bakura, enter me. **Now**." I whispered and spread my legs. I must've looked kinda slutty, but our love-making didn't include anything this dirty, not this time. **It was pure love.**

He nodded and entered me slowly. It felt good, as if we were one.

My arms surrounded him and my lips moaned his name, again and again. He moved in sync with my hips and the pace were not too fast, yet it wasn't slow.

It was perfect.

"I-I'm sorry Ryou."

He mumbled into my ear and I could feel a single drop of tear from his eyes drippled down on my cheek.

I stroked his hair with my left hand and hold him closer:

"Don't be sorry, be happy, for me."

As we came together, his hand squeezed mine as if there was no tomorrow.

And even though one of us said anything, we both knew how much we loved each other.

This was the best day of my life, was my last thought before falling asleep in his warm embrace…

**:-:**

**Review and I truly hope all of you will have a great V-Day!**


	13. Forget about him

**You will never understand the pain**

**Chapter twelve: Forget about him**

**Long time no see! I've updated a new chapter and this story is taking a new lead. I hope you will like this chapter.**

**:-:**

Ryou sobbed uncontrollably in Marik's arms before he finally fell asleep, the whole place was quiet and the sun was up. Malik was outside, looking for Bakura and his older brother carried the sleeping boy upstairs to his bed. White hair spread out over the pillow and long, thick eyelashes rests on pale, smooth cheeks. Marik thought, that no one could compare to Ryou's beauty right now.

"How come a perfect couple like you could ended up like this?" The egyptian sighed and walked down by himself. As those thoughts hit him, he suddenly remembered how Ryou had looked the first time he got here…so…_broken_.

Oh, how typical Bakura… he is always doing this. First, hurting someone, and then finally, when that certain someone can't even stand to be near him anymore, he regrets it and tries to win him back.

_Poor Ryou deserved better_, Marik said to himself and dialed the number he never thought he would dial…

"Oi, Kaiba. I need your help." And with that said, a certain blue-eyed CEO were on his way.

_I really do hope that you could receive happiness Ryou, I really do. And maybe, maybe that arrogant prick Kaiba Seto is the only one who could give you that right now_. Marik thought as he hung up the phone.

"Wait up Bakura!" Malik yelled and quickly rushed behind Bakura. The said male turned around and muttered an most definetly not polite: what do you want.

"I just thought we could talk, I'm on your side. My brother and I are having this bet, that Ryou would either go back to you or become a couple with Kaiba Seto, the CEO of the new electronic company. He is Ryou's biggest customer. But you know why I believe that Ryou will end up with you? Because he still loves you, no matter how much he tries to deny it, it is still you whom he wants to be with." Malik replied, honesty in his eyes and a hand placed on his heart. Bakura stopped in his trace and waited for Malik to continue, he decided to not argue with him about having a bet about Ryou's love life and listen to whatever he had to say.

"The first day I saw him, he was completely heart broken, he didn't laughed when it was a comedy show on the TV, he cried. And whenever he saw a customer with white hair he would turn around and give him a second glance, at first I didn't understand what all that was about, but now when I saw you and him together, his reactions, I finally understood. That the person who has occupied his heart this whole time was you. Bakura. His feelings has never changed, and if you're not man enough to get him back then…then I guess I thought wrong about you."

Malik finished his last line while breathing heavily for the lack of air under his long speech.

"Are you finished?" Bakura asked, unmoved.

Malik stared at him as if he was a huge pile of dirt and nodded.

"One. Who the hell said I was going to let him go off with tha prick Seto Kaiba? Two. I won't, never, ever give Ryou up. Three. Thanks, for telling me this, about Ryou. Four. I'm leaving now, and if anything happens that has to do with Ryou, call me." With that said, Bakura turned around and walked off.

Ryou sat by his window and stared out at the crowded streets, people seemed so happy. _Why can't I be happy too?_

_…I wonder how Bakura is doing, his shoulder. Did he see a doctor? Will he take care of his wounds carefully? Will he…think about me again?_

He shut his eyes and let a single drop of tear fall from his doe-like eyes.

"Ryou, I've come to pick you up." A familiar voice said.

Ryou turned around to face the man whom had come to his rescue, ice blue eyes and soft hazel coloured hair, almost two meters tall and pale skin. Kaiba.

His voice sounded so sure, and so stubborn. Ryou knew that it wasn't a question, rather a demand. So he followed him, back to his mansion. And tried to not think about the hurt look in Bakura's eyes when he rejected him back at the bar…

At the way back to Kaiba's mansion, Ryou stayed quiet, deep in his thoughts until Seto finally opened his mouth:

"Ryou, forget about him." As he said that he grabbed Ryou's shoulders gently to make him turn towards himself. "From today on, I'll make you forget all about him. I will make you love me, from the bottom of your heart." With that said, he embraced the boy gently. And finally, the tears drippled down from Ryou's chocolate brown eyes. And so did his feelings for Bakura. He decided that he would forget him, start a new relationship with Kaiba and maybe allow himself to fall in love once again…

On the meanwhile, Bakura wandered around by himself in the crowded city. He was confused, didn't know what to do to win Ryou back. And… He stopped in his trace:

_What if Ryou does come back? Will he be sure not to harm him again?_

Bakura decided to overcome his Schizophrenia before he contacts Ryou again, and to do that… He had to go to the root of his problems. He had to go back to his family and meet up with his father.

Dialing the number to the old Kuroki-mansion, he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. His father's deep masculine voice answered the phone:

"Hello?"

"…It's me, Bakura." Bakura's finger's were shaking and his breath quickened.

A long moment of silence.

"What do you want?"

"…I'm going back to deal with the problems, for Ryou's sake."

His father made an annoying sound and mumbled:

"Fine. But don't forget, that once you've accepted the role as Tokyo's next yakuza-leader, you can't back off."

"I know. See you in a minute."

With that said, he hung up the phone. For almost ten years, he had tried to avoid his own family, his own name… But now, for the sake of his only love, he had to go back there. And live the life he hated.

Because only those people, those who lived with killing, abuse and raping. Knew how to handle a monster like himself.

"…wait for me, Ryou."

The first snow were falling down, a lonely figure dressed in black walked his own path to a huge mansion. His back looked so lonely, yet strong.

"Ryou!" Mokuba yelled and throwed himself into the pale boy's arms. He didn't knew that he could see Ryou back at his own home. They've met before at Yugi's place, but then Ryou moved away and no one ever saw him again.

"Oh Ryou! You can't imagine how worried we was about you! Yugi almost went mad when you disapeared with that older senpai."

Ryou smiled gently at the doe-eyed young Kaiba and replied calmly:

"I'm sorry I've caused you guys so much trouble… I really am."

Mokuba shook his head and anwsered in excitement:

"It doesn't matter, 'cause you are here now! How long are you going to stay?"

The older Kaiba replied coldly:

"Ryou is staying forever. And that's it."

Kaiba's words made Ryou tremble of fear, this man…was so powerful. Ryou felt so unsure, and trapped. And if he ever left Kaiba, he would definetly be killed…

Mokuba pouted and mumbled:

"You don't have to be so possesive, brother! Ryou is not your thing!"

"Go and do your homework Mokuba!" Kaiba bellowed.

Mokuba had tears in his eyes when he stood up and walked his way to his room. Cursing his damned brother.

Ryou smiled carefully at Kaiba and whispered so that only he could hear:

"You don't have to be so harsh…"

Kaiba made a smile, a tiny tiny smile. And took Ryou in his arms:

"I'm sorry. I just…can't deal with the fact that you were…sexually abused by my father in your work, that you've belonged to someone else… I can't believe that you are with me now."

The younger boy smiled cutely, Kaiba, no Seto… he sure was gentle anyways.

"It was only business, that's why I had sex with him. I belong to you now." He kissed Kaiba's lips softly and smiled once again. "Where are your father by the way?"

Kaiba's eyes darkened. He replied coldly:

"He is dead. I made him commit suicide."

And once again, Ryou feared those azure blue eyes, they were so cold against everyone, everyone except his brother and Ryou himself…

"Oh… Ehm, I'm…not very sorry to hear that." Ryou sure wasn't, that old fat pig always made his butt hurt painfully after sex. Kaiba stroked his hair softly and whispered:

"He is gone now, let me take care of you." Strong arms carried the lithe body of Ryou's upstairs to Seto's bedroom, making the little boy giggle softly.

"Se-Seto!"

Kaiba stops in his trace. Ryou…just said is name.

"You…You just said my name."

"Uh, yeah?" _So what?_ Ryou always have wanted to call him Seto instead of Kaiba, 'Kaiba' reminded him of that old fat man…

Lips met lips in a passionate kiss, Kaiba can't even explain how happy he was that Ryou called him by his name and not 'Kaiba'.

"I will never let you go Ryou."

"You don't have to." The boy smiled and let the other one hug him gently. But deep in his thoughts, he still couldn't forget about the other male, with crimson eyes and silver hair. _Bakura… You will never understand my pain._

**:-:**

**Review! **


	14. Fighting

**_You will never understand the pain_**

**Chapter thirteen: Fighting**

**Hiya! Sorry I'm late, AGAIN. It's a miracle that you guys still read my stuff. I apologise sincerly, but since me and the Bakura in my life broke up, I had a rough time. Anyway, I found my Kaiba later on, so we'll see how the fic and my life goes. Love you guys, and I promise to pay you back by updating faster.**

**:-:**

I sat at Kaiba's desk by myself, he was off at work, and I was alone at home because Mokuba went to see his girlfriend. My life now is simple yet very comfortable. Kaiba is a nice guy, but sometimes if felt lonely 'cause it seems like he doesn't have any time for me. He was always at work. And I was used to company 24/7. You all know how possessive Bakura was.

Bakura… I know that I should quit thinking about him. That his not worth my time anymore, but a part of me can't help to miss him. Longing for his touch, and his voice. Especially when I felt lonely.

I'm struggling between whether I should call him or not. Maybe just to hear his voice for a few seconds and then hang up the phone. Or ask him how everything is as if nothing as happened between us? No, I can't do that…

But what can I do when this pain from inside is killing me second by second?

'Kura, save me…

I want to have someone here for me, a soothing voice, a calm attitude that makes everything so simple. Some stupid comments that could always make me laugh…

I know that I can never let go of this love, but I also knew that If, if I ever went back to his side, he would never change for real. He must know what is like to lose someone to learn his lesson.

Sign… If only Kaiba could come home soon. I'd hate to wait any longer.

Slowly, I moved my finger towards the tiny litte glas bunny he bought for me some days ago. It's head moved down and a ruby red eye shone against my nail. It looked so lost, so confused. Just like me…

"Bunny…You must feel very sad inside too, right? I know how horrible it is to be alone, it's as if everything around you is all black and nothing could make you happy ever again."

I sighed deeply before a deep voice mumbled:

"I'm here to make you company."

Bakura?! I turned around quickly and yelled:

"'K-…Kaiba." I know that I must have looked very disappointed, but the person I was hoping for could never be by my side anymore. I knew that.

Blue eyes were watching me with a very gentle and sad look, I pushed myself to smile and hugged him gently:

"Welcome home…"

He responded to that hug and mumbled in my hair:

"I'm home."

We kissed softly and separated soon after that, he took off his coat and throw it on the bed, and I asked carefully:

"You finished quite early today, didn't you?" He nodded and made a sudden movement towards me, so quickly that I couldn't even react properly. A heavy body pushed me down on the ground and a pair of soft yet so cold lips kissed me gently.

"…Please, please don't give me that sad and lonely look anymore Ryou, I-I really like you, so please, stop thinking about him." My eyes widened, he noticed?

I bit my under lip and shut my eyes, it aren't easy to forget someone you've loved for so long that you've almost forgotten how long it has been…

**:-:**

Meanwhile, at Bakura's family mansion, a handsome, yet obviously middle-aged man hit a younger version of himself with a sword's back, he did it without any mercy, again and again…until…

"Fuck you old man!" The younger one's eyes suddenly changed to a deep crimson color, the color of blood. He suddenly got so much stronger, and his eyes shown nothing but hatred. It was the other Bakura indeed. His father looked guilty for a moment before ordering his men to tie him up.

Of course, the living monster protested with all his might, it took almost fifty men to tie him up properly and make him calm down a bit.

"Do you have any idea why we ended up here today?" The old man asked and Bakura tilted his head, as if it was all a game to him.

"…Of course I do. You're trying to make me disappear, aren't ya? So that filthy whore, and good for nothing Ryou shit could come back and you could live all happily ever after. But hear me, worthless creatures, it ain't happening."

The older man shut his eyes and let out a sigh before turning his back and walking away, telling the guards to lock this place up until they hear the family code. The light surrounded a tied up Bakura in the middle of the room, the light was so bright, that you may think that the sun was exactly beside the house.

Before the doors was closed behind Bakura, all you could hear was an inhuman growl:

"You'll pay for thiiiis Touzokuoh!!!"

Bakura's father freezed for a moment and laught quietly:

"Yeah…long time ago I heard that name of mine, but then again, I prefer you calling me: 'old man'."

He walked away and his crimson red kimono swayed behind him, the tiger symbol on his back looked almost alive…

"Sir, what do we do about food and water for the young master?" A servant asked nervously, the powerful man thought about it a while and mumbled after a long time:

"Call Ishtar, only he could be able to handle that creature."

The servants nodded and disappeared soon after.

**:-:**

**Back to Ryou then.**

"Kaiba!" I giggled softly, the taller man tried to grab a hold of me while tickling my stomache, I wiggled desperately, trying to flee from his hold. "Stop it! Stop…! I give up, I give up!" I couldn't help but to laugh at his silliness sometimes. He almost smiled and kissed my cheek softly. "I love when you smile like that Ryou, you look like an angel."

I blushed softly and rested my head in his chest, mumbling:

"…I'm scared, Seto…"

A calm and soothing voice came down:

"For what?" His hand touched my hair and fondled it.

"…For end up being lonely once again…" I shut my eyes and digged my head into his warm embrance. He chuckled softly and bowed down to whisper in my ear:

"You won't, no matter what happens, I'll be here."

Kai-Seto. He was so gentle when it comes to me, but to others, he seem so heartless and cold.

That was what scared me most, that I'll belong to one of the other people someday. That those beautiful blue eyes might staring at me with nothing but coldness…

_...I was fighting for my life, and so was he._

**:-:**

**Review...though I don't really deserve it. LOL.**


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